Drifting Through Life
by Dawn of Chaos
Summary: He didn't know what to do. Was it his fault? Should he just run away? Everything ended so...abruptly. Now he's just a shell, no emotion leaking through the mask he wears, only trying to push the one person who cares, far away so that person isn't hurt.


_Was done for a commission. (evilangel990) on deviantart. She's also a good artist, so look her up if you get the chance. Just take out the spaces in the address. ( http : / evilangel990. deviantart. com ) ^^; Xemsai isn't one of the couplings I'm too familiar with. And I think this turned out more Saixem so bear with me and enjoy the one-shot_

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Drifting Through Life

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The smell of rubber grinding against asphalt. Engines revving to the point of explosion. The fragrance of a brand new car about to be rode as hard as it will ever be. The sensation of drifting around corners, opponents' headlights reflecting in the rear view mirror.

A light sheen of sweat is already forming on my palms, which are clad in tight, leather gloves. I let my golden eyes scan over the black interior, before returning to gaze out into the summer heat. The red tinted sunglasses resting on the bridge of my nose allow me to see far more better than the average pair of racing goggles. I tighten my grip on the wheel, reaching one hand down to get ready to switch gears.

As a young blonde woman struts along the start line, all the respective cars rev their engines in response. Dust from this wasteland is thrown into the air, creating a veil around her as she swings the black and white, checkered flag. In half a second, all the cars are spinning their tires, searching for traction as the race begins.

_Three years ago, my best friend had gotten me into this dangerous business. He was already top notch, while I was a greenhorn. Nonetheless, we had become partners, conquering track after track, race after race. Only a few months ago, at the peak of both of our careers, I found the one I believed I couldn't live that. He always teased me that I was head over heels, but I always denied it. But as I went on more dates with the man I loved, my racing suffered. Every move toward a relationship, meant I was taking a step away from my career. _

_Finally, on the day of one of our typical races, he confronted me. I was told to make a choice; a choice between that of my best friend or the love of my life._

_What I hadn't known, was that we had a potential sponsor watching us. But if I had, I don't think it would have made much of a difference._

_So when the race started, my head was in the clouds, quite uncharacteristic of me. For after that final point-to-point race, I was planning on taking my relationship to the next level. I even already had the ring in my pocket. _

_But then came the corner just before the finish line. The curve was sharp, the threat of slamming into the rocks higher than ever. I was going too fast and my mind was only set on finishing the race as quick as possible. He stayed side-by-side with me. I suppose he was worried._

_As we both neared the corner, we were in first place. He took the corner in stride, going ahead of me, but only a little. Not that I noticed. My eyes were trained on the black and white, checkered banner flapping in the dusty air._

_Before a single thought could slip into focus, the tail end of my car swerved out, grazing the rock face. I tried to steer against and work myself out of it, for if I dared to steer into it, I would hit the rocks at 124mph. In the blink of an eye, I had thrown my arms up to protect my head. The car meets the impact, the seatbelt keeping my body in place. Dust and dirt began to settle back down and the site made me sick._

_All the other cars continued to race by the scene, ignoring the accident. Smoke billows up from the hood of his car, which is wedged in between mine and the canyon wall. Slowly coming to my sense, I had gotten out of the totaled vehicle in record time._

_Jogging around the side of mine, I stared through the shattered window. The sun's rays makes the shards of glass glitter and the crimson glimmer like liquid jewels. His body laid over the wheel, his head resting lightly on it. The sunglasses he had worn, broke on impact, probably coming to rest on the floor board. The face had laid towards me, blood trickling down the grin on his lips._

_Even from the distance, I could see the distant look in his emerald eyes. I kept going to him, trying to ignore the pain that had take a hold of my body. But it wouldn't have mattered, it was too late._

_The car had gone up in flames...my best friend still inside...and it was all my fault._

The tires slowly spin to a halt, the car doing a 360, as I come to face the way I had just come from. The losing competitors drive off to the side as people begin to crowd my car, a Lotus in prime condition. An opening in the people forms as I open my door. The manager of the event strides up to me, rosy hair fanning out around his porcelain face. I reach back and untie my long, light blue hair, it falling to my shoulders while the rest falls to mid-back. The man grins like a like on its first hunt. Handing me the check, I give him a view of my back, "Thanks for the race." is all I say before slipping back into my leather seat and heading home.

As I drive, I let my arms and legs move accordingly, not actually concentrating on the road. All I can see is the flames licking their way along the car's frame.

The moon glimmers down into the car, my eyes glazed and dull. In no time at all, I'm getting out of the driver's seat, leaving everything in the car except the keys. I walk up to the small house, just large enough for the two of us and a guest. The white and gray appearance was my love's idea, but I've come to like it. I stride up to the door, a well manicured lawn on both sides of the pathway. All the lights are off, except for one.

_Damn. I thought I could continue to avoid him. Must be that a day off finally came up for him._

I walk into the house, the dimmed living room light not hurting my eyes as much as I thought they would. The TV clicks off, the music fading away into silence. He stands up, amber eyes alight with a fierce flame, that I know I won't be able to extinguish. Silver hair drapes over his sturdy shoulders, loose tresses falling around his face. "I told you not to wait up Xemnas."

"I know everything Saix. The crash. The guilt. The self-hate. The desire to run from it all. You act like I don't know you."

"Can't this wait?"

Still in his calm monotone, he sighs. "You've changed. Axel wouldn't have wanted that. Don't you think so?" I say nothing as I take a step back, Xemnas stepping forward to follow me, my inner demons scratching at my mental barriers. "I've seen the monster you act like when death comes to collect. I can handle it. You can't."

_It's all true. I go berserk. Unable to control my words, actions, or emotions. They all go haywire._

"Stop cutting corners Saix. We're in a relationship. We tell each other everything and I'm telling you that Axel didn't die because of you."

_He's always been able to make me understand. Xemnas just has that way about him...and I've been running away from myself. But I'm tired. It shouldn't have taken me this long to realize it...or for my boyfriend to have to tell me._

"You're mad at me."

Xemnas shakes his head, that demeanor of his never slacking. "I'm not mad."

"Yes you are. The more deadpan you become means you're losing your temper."

Golden eyes narrow into slits. "You can't run me away Saix."

My back presses against the wall, one of his arms on either side of me. Our gaze never breaks, the anger radiating off of him only making me bite the inside of my cheek. "Why do you care? You could have walked away weeks ago, never having a regret. There's someone better than me. I'm crazy Xemnas."

He hangs his head, arms bending so that his forehead comes to rest against my chest. Yet, I just stand there, arms at my sides, confused at the sudden change of attitude. His hands move to dig in his pockets, finally coming up to fiddle around with something. Strong, tan fingers grab one of my hands, pulling it closer to his own, my eyes still not able to see what he's doing. That is, until something metal and cold slips onto my finger.

"It was in your belongings. When they took you to the hospital, they gave me the box. I found this in there. It possibly could be your fault that he's dead. Or it could be his fault."

I scoff, "You're great at making me feel better." The second those words leave my lips, I realize I no longer have a reason to act like a complete and utter ass to him. "I hate you Xemnas...but I love you too."

I light my arms, letting them wrap around his frame, knowing even if it was my fault, I can still be happy. I don't have to let that fear, anger, and sadness drive me away from the one thing I have left. I need to step up and grab back the wheel, take control.


End file.
